January 2, 2009
Dear Avshalom
Hey, how are you? I hope everything is going well. I'm sorry I haven't written to you in a long time, but I actually couldn't, because I just returned from Albania. I guess you are wondering what have I done in Albania, so well, my friend, I am going to tell you about the most suprising and embarrassing incident that ever happend to me.- This is a great opening!
As you know, I'm a big fan of the band Garbage. I actually have all their CDs. A few weeks ago, my sister, a big fan too, told me that she got tickets for a Garbage's concert in Tirana, Albania! At first I was quite confused, because Albania is such a godforsaken place. But then I was very happy, because I just love Garbage, and attending one of their concerts is a big dream of mine. I told everyone that I was going to fulfill that dream, and I was very excited.
So, we flew to Albania. I must admit that I thought Albania would look like Gaza, but eventually, I discovered it is a really nice place. On our second night there, we got to the park where the concert was held. There were many people, all looking for Shirley Manson, Garbage's vocalist, to get on the huge stage. At least, that what I thought. A bald man got on stage, playing on a weird guitar and singing folk music. My sister looked shocked. "That's probably the pre-concert", she said, unsure. But the old bald guy never got off the stage, and the whole audience was singing these "dai dai dai" refrains. All this time, me and my sister were still waiting for Shirley to get on stage, singing "The World Is Not Enough", but she never did - sadly, she stayed in Edinburgh that night.
We returned home very sad, and as soon as we got there, we checked what happend to the Garbage concert! Well, my dear friend, nothing. That bald guy and his musicians were actually a local Albanian band called, suprsie suprise, Garbage. When I came back, all my friends came to my house, excpecting to see pictures and souvenires, and when they heard about this suprising coincidence, they laughed so hard, and I was so embarrassed!
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Anyway, I hope to see you soon, after you're done laughing. And please write back, I can't wait to hear your opinion about this story.
Greetings,
Omer.
* Daphna, sorry for the delay. I had internet problems so I couldn't publish the letter, but I wrote it on Word on December 20th.
It's OK, Omer. Your letter is so good, I'll let you get away with it....
I really enjoyed that and your comment on Raz's work was accurate and to the point. Well done!
Daphna
1 comment:
Hey Omer.
Your letter is very good. But there are some things you might want to change - First of all, your letter sounds like you're talking to a small child to me. I just get the feeling that you're condescending to the letter's recipient ("I guess you are wondering what have I done in Albania").
That's not all - your first paragraph sounds like a rant in my opinion. Ypu should also not neglet the placement of your date.
Except for these things, your letter is well-structured, funny, well-written and original.
PS: I have just as many rhetorical questions at the beginning of my letter as you do.(1)
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